My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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