i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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