she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry about my life...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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