Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
