Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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