jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He passed out mid-signature
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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