you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
