I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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