Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
