What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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