Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
