I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I checked into jail on foursquare
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When are your genitals available?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
