you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
