Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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