Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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