The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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