Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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