he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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