my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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