This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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