Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
