id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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