It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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