You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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