I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
