Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
