3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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