Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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