I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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