Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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