she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
