i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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