I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
