We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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