i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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