Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
