it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
