his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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