I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
