I should be sponsored by Trojan
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
