Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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