I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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