I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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