Where did you get a picture of my penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
