1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
