I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I looked at my own cervix.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
