i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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