I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize