so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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