I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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