I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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