Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize