Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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