i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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