Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize