Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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