Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
