i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
