It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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