one two three fourrrrnication!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
