Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
