It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
