All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
