as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
